The Sun and Moon They Never Change
by MerryxMaking
Summary: but when one is forever haunted by the ghosts of the past, each day brings forth memories as clear as the Grecian seas" Kiku is not proud of what he's done, but only his brother can set him free. Can Yao let him move on? Not yaoi.


AN: I feel I should point this out now. Firstly, first Hetalia fic so I apologise if I mess up. Also, Taiwan doesn't appear to have a name, but I read here (/Main/AxisPowersHetalia) that some people call Taiwan Meimei because it's Mandarin for 'little sister', so that's what I call her in this. Enjoy! (:

Kiku had done many things. Some of which were great, some of which made some of his siblings look up to him in awe. But everyone has skeletons in their closets. There were chapters of Kiku's past which made him shudder with shame and self-hatred whenever they chose to remind him that they existed.

All siblings fight, there is too much evidence to deny it. Even though he was not related to any of the people he called his brothers and sisters by blood, Kiku never once thought of them as anything other than his family. They were all raised by the caring hands of Yao Wang, the one person who Kiku truly felt he could trust. The one he looked up to as his big brother. Even though life was unkind to them most of the time, Yao always made everything seem alright. He always gave them hope that one day, things would work themselves out, and that one day it would be their turn to receive good fortune. For a while, Kiku helped his brother care for all their other siblings, but later found work. The hours were long and the pay was minimal, but it was certainly something. Yao never let him forget this. For years that is how it went on, until finally the day arrived when Yao was right. Their good fortune had come, their Christmas miracle, so to speak. Kiku has been promoted to a well paid job with normal working hours. He could finally afford to get his family out of the hellhole which they lived in, and that is exactly what he did.

They deserved their new life in Kiku's eyes. His family still did, but he has abused that privilege. He no longer deserved the happiness and closeness which his family had in abundance. It was true that the attack happened many moons ago, but when one is forever haunted by the ghosts of the past, each day brings forth memories as clear as the Grecian seas. Kiku never once suspected in those peaceful days that it would all end the way it did, but what use is hindsight? What is there to gain by knowing too late how it did not have to be that way? For the next few years no one suspected anything. Everyone grew up happily awaiting the future. Whatever life threw at them, they could take it. The past had toughened even timid little Meimei to a certain degree. In their eyes, they had been how bad things can be and therefore they were almost invincible. It saddened Kiku now to think just how naïve they were, but that is just what happens when one makes use of hindsight.

He remembered the day clearly. For reasons unbeknownst to Kiku, the date had become lost in his memory. It started off as normally as all the others had; the smell of breakfast was still as strong in his mind as it was that day. Obviously, Yao was already awake. Kiku had abandoned his usual uniform; he would not be going to work that day – he had a well-earned day off to spend with his beloved siblings. He was restless, the words of his colleague still ringing in his mind  
"_So you provide for all of them? That's bad. You should get out of there, teach them how to live by themselves_"  
It had occurred to Kiku that he was the sole provider for his family but he really did not mind. It felt nice to know that he was helping them all. But the way those words had managed to sink into his mind made him question whether it was fair. He tried to shake those thoughts off, claiming that if it was fair for Yao to look after all of them then it was fair for Kiku to provide the money which allowed him to do so. The walk into the kitchen felt no different from the thousands of other ones, and if Kiku was totally honest – it was not exactly his darkest secret – he thought it was going to be a rather pleasant day. As usual, Yao turned and smiled when Kiku came into view  
"Kiku, you're awake so early aru! It's your day off and yet you still look ready to work aru!" Yao approached him with a plate of freshly made dumplings, which Kiku was happy to accept. No one cooked as well as his brother.  
"Oh be careful, they're hot aru!" It was amazing how cheerful Yao was. Obviously he was grateful to Kiku for the life they had, but he had always been cheerful. Just one of the quirks of being hopeful, Kiku had assumed. He put the plate down; suddenly he has lost his appetite. Kiku never felt himself walk over to where all the sharp knives were kept.  
"Kiku? Are you alright aru?" The concerned voice sounded distant, echoic

_It sounded like he did not know him._

Within the space of five minutes, Kiku had successfully managed to brutally attack the one who always cared for him and leave. Forever. There was no way he could go back. The attack had been so clean (something one would expect of Kiku) and there was no blood on his hands or clothes to tell the story of what he has just done.

_His brother's screams sounded so unfamiliar.  
He knew the man who lay in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor, but he did not know his attacker._

Kiku had not been able to ever return to any part of his old life. Afraid that he may see the faces of his siblings again, he went to the one place he knew they did not want to return to.  
He went back to their first home.

_He had run because he was a coward.  
He had run because he was a butcher.  
He was almost a murderer._

Kiku could not say why he had attacked his brother that day. Was it because of his colleague's words? Maybe. Was it because he went momentarily insane? Possibly. Was it because he was a stone-cold, psychopathic, ungrateful little bastard? Definitely something to consider. It was that last option that made Kiku deny help when he was hit by a van several years later. He demanded that the driver not call for an ambulance, and even managed to gather enough strength to knock the phone out of his hand and onto the concrete pavement, where it shattered on impact. The driver told Kiku he was crazy. He told Kiku he would die if he did not get medical help soon. He knew that to be true. But what the driver did not know was that Kiku did not care. Several main arteries had been severed: Kiku Honda would soon die.

The driver kindly tried to cover him to stop the bleeding, and upon realising that Kiku had basically nothing with him, desperately tried to reassemble the broken phone, only stopping to push up his glasses (but to no avail, it was broken beyond repair). He called out to someone for help, obviously a friend because the person had a name.  
"Tino! Tino! Call an ambulance now!" Poor Tino; Kiku could remember that he looked very frightened. But his vision was blurred, the voices a faint murmur in the background of his rushing blood. This is what it must feel like to be dying, Kiku thought in the same way that one might wonder about the weather.

As his last act, on his makeshift deathbed, Kiku Honda cursed himself to be forever chained to the world of the living, his spirit only able to move on when he was granted forgiveness.  
Specifically, Yao's forgiveness.

***

It had been three years since Meimei had announced after a serious phone call that Kiku was dead. But his death was not the reason why Yao forgave him. Yao had forgiven Kiku a long time ago. He did not know why, he just did. The same way you wake up one morning after a cold and suddenly feel better, Yao woke up one morning and his hatred towards his little brother was gone. In a strange way, he (very slightly) grew to miss Kiku. Not the Kiku that had attacked him and left him to die, but the Kiku who always held his head up no matter what fate had in store for him. The one who would sit with Yao when all hope seemed lost and would remind him that if things were truly as bad as they could be, then it made sense that they could only get better. That was the Kiku he wanted back, and the house was not the same without him.

They did not press charges against the man who had hit Kiku – bless his heart; he had tried to help him. There was a funeral for Kiku, but Yao fell ill and could not go, even though he wanted to. He wanted to see his brother one last time, because he knew the old Kiku was there – the old Kiku would have been ashamed of his actions and decide he did not deserve to live. It was the old Kiku that prevented his brother from ever trying to contact any of his siblings, and it was the old Kiku that fought so desperately to ensure that he would die.

It was indeed odd that Yao had one day felt the urge to go back to the old house, but one which he could not ignore. And the journey there brought back so many memories, all of them happy in their own way. Stepping out of the car, Yao was shocked at how the building had decayed and worn away over time. It was hard to believe it was one inhabited. But he could vaguely reconstruct how it used to look, and he smiled. Before he could register what he was doing, Yao was already walking towards the ruined building, carefully opening the half-unhinged door so that nothing would collapse. He gasped at how the rooms still looked how they did all those years ago. But something else in the space where a table once stood shocked Yao even more.  
_Kiku._

At first, Yao could not speak, nor move. Kiku was dead. So why could Yao see him huddled up in the corner of what was once the living room? Blinking harshly to make sure his eyes were not playing tricks on him, Yao tried to regain his voice.  
"Kiku? Is that you, aru?" It was barely a whisper, but the other had heard it, and whipped his head around to face Yao so quickly it was almost inhuman. His brother was paler than usual, and his eyes bloodshot. Kiku had obviously been crying. He looked unsure, an expression which Yao probably mirrored exactly. However, Kiku did not move, and just as quickly as he had turned to face Yao, he averted his gaze back to the wall ahead of him. It had never seemed so interesting before in all the years Kiku had been there. Deciding he had to make the first move, Yao slowly approached Kiku, scared that any sudden movements would cause him to disappear.  
"Kiku…how, aru? Y-you're dead aru…"  
"Yes…Aniki." Kiku's short answers did not show the fierceness one would expect. The housed the shame obvious in the man's eyes – Kiku did not want to talk about it. It was just a shame for him that Yao did.  
"Then…how…aru-"  
"I cursed myself before I died. I'm surprised it worked." Taken aback, Yao repeated what he had just heard in his mind. Kiku had cursed himself?  
"Why aru?" The answer was obvious, but Yao needed to hear Kiku say it.  
"Because I do not deserve the peace of the afterlife."  
"Is there a way to break it, aru?" It was shocking, but Yao was genuinely upset that after all that time his brother had been trapped in a dying building, alone, passing the time by reliving his past and wallowing in his guilt.

Yao tried to coax answers out of Kiku, and after a certain amount of persuasion the younger man finally told the story of how he had made life hell for himself as punishment for his betrayal, and how he had made it so that the only way that he would ever find peace was by Yao forgiving him for what he did.  
"That's so typical of you, aru." Yao smiled, earning a confused look from his deceased brother. After all the scars Kiku had given him, how could he still smile?  
"And it's so typical of you to be content at the worst of times" Kiku retaliated, a miniscule hint of friendliness in his voice.  
"Kiku…does it hurt you to be here aru?"  
"A bit, I can never be happy. Why do you ask, Aniki?" Yao's smile was now non-existent, signalling to Kiku that whatever his brother was about to say, he meant every word of it.  
"Because I can allow you to move on…but that would mean losing you again aru." Kiku was surprised that his brother had even considered his death as a loss – if Kiku were in Yao's position, he would have considered it a victory.  
"You've made it for this long without me, Aniki. Surely you can do it again."  
"I hated you back then, aru. Now it's different, I don't want you to go aru. I want to make things right again, aru" For the first time in so many years that he had lost count, Kiku smiled.  
"It'll be alright Aniki. We'll see each other again in the next life. This isn't goodbye, just see you later" Yao smiled at the warmth in Kiku's voice, remembering all the times they had sat in that room while Kiku gave one of his famous motivational speeches. Yao could feel his eyes watering, and a lone tear rolled down his cheek. But he put his feelings aside, because he knew he had to do this. For both their sakes.  
"In that case…I forgave you a long time ago, aru. You can move on now aru" Kiku slowly began to fade, something which he was convinced he would never do. He had lost the right to move on in peace, but his brother had restored that. It was just in his nature to make everything have a happy ending.

"See you later, aru."  
"See you late, Aniki"

AN: TT_TT long angst fic is long. For all those who didn't guess, the driver was Sweden (don't ask why, my friend thought he seemed like someone who would drive a van and I had no alternatives). China had to forgive Japan. He's too cute and nice not to. :3


End file.
